


How I nearly lost my children

by NishlaTheButterfly



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Background Jace Wayland, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Character Development, Crying, Discrimination Against Downworlders, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, M/M, Maryse Lightwood Redemption, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood, People Change People, Racism, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23818498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NishlaTheButterfly/pseuds/NishlaTheButterfly
Summary: We all know that Maryse Lightwood went from being a homophobic racist asshole to walking Magnus down the aisle, but when exactly did she change her mind?
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Maryse Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 3
Kudos: 73





	How I nearly lost my children

**Author's Note:**

> ☡TRIGGER WARNING:☡  
> ⚠Mentioned suicide attempt!  
> ⚠Homophobia and homophobic slurs!  
> ⚠Mentioned self destructive tendencies!  
> If you are sensitive towards any of these topics please reconsider reading this fanfiction, your mental health is more important than views, Kudos and comments
> 
> Little side note: I'm German, my English isn't perfect, if you find mistakes please tell me♡

Set after Alec's suicide attempting

_"We stay separate from the Downworld for a reason."_

_-_

_"Life is not about what you want to do, it's about what must be done."_

_-_

_"What's that Warlock doing here?"_

-

_-What's the problem? "That you chose Magnus Bane!"_

-

_"And all for a Downworlder..."_

_-_

_"One day you'll realise why a man should marry a woman"_

_-_

_"Jace is not your blood."_

Maryse is fully aware that she has very strong and conservative believes, but if there is one thing that comes before her believes are her children. And she nearly lost one them today. She is on the verge of tears. How did it come to a point where Alec would rather choose death instead of fighting back? Maryse remembers Alec punching the sandsack until his knuckles were bleeding or training until he passes out and she always thought that was him being determined to become a great Shadowhunter. She remembers him refusing to go to the infirmary when he was wounded, or him working out even when he was ill. The signs were all there and she just thought that her son was being duty full, she sometimes even praised him for it. And Jace...Jace's attack on her was totally justified and she feels completely ashamed that he thought she'll attack him. Maryse realises what a bad influence she has on her children.

_I'm supposed to protect them no matter what._

She feels like she failed her job, her most important job: being a mother. The image of Alec on the roof pops up in her mind and she starts crying. How could she fail so massively? The door opens and Magnus enters. Shit, she completely forgot that she's still at Magnus' Appartement. When he spots her crying he immediately takes a step back. "Apologies, I didn't mean to interrupt" he says, turns around and is about to leave. Maryse's first thoughts when she sees Magnus is _warlock faggot who destroyed the Lightwood name and has probably killed more people than he can count._

How is it possible that she still thinks like that? Even though he literally saved Alec's life today, and if what Izzy told her is true, he helped him with the Parabatai bond too. She silently curses at herself. "Magnus?" she says and Magnus turns around with a suprised look on his face. "Yes?" he asks concerned.

"Thank you..." Maryse answers and tries to sound as sincer as possible even though every voice in her head screams something different but she chooses to ignore them. 

"Maryse, I'm afraid you've already thanked me for the party" Magnus says and smiles brightly. "No, I don't mean just the party. Thank you for saving his life." She ads and smiles back. Magnus looks down for a second, folds his hands together and looks back up. "Look, I know you have your... _views_ about Alec's and mine relationship but just so you know. I'd do anything for him, he's my boyfriend."

Eventhough her stomach twisted by the word boyfriend, she was happy to know that someone cares deeply fo her son. And in the end of the day, this is what is important, someone loving her son heart and soul.

Maryse knows, she has to change. She has to make sure that the word boyfriend coming out of a man's mouth doesn't give her hard feelings, she has to make sure that she understand that Downworlders are people too and if they do something bad, it's not because they are Downworlders. She has to make sure, that her son Alec doesn't hurt himself anymore. She has to make sure that her son Jace understands how much she loves him. She has to make sure that her daughter Isabelle knows that her passion doesn't only make her dangerous but also strong. And she has to make sure that she'll not raise her son Max the way she raised her other children.

_"Lately I've been trying to reconnect with the people that I've hurt"_

_-_

_"I hope that you don't give up on love, I hope you fight for it, like your brother did"_

_-_

_"Sometimes our angelic duty seems to overshadow everything else, we forget we're human too"_

_-_

_"My boys"_

-

_I may have had my prejudices in the past, but seeing you stand by Alec, it's what every Mother wants for her children_

_-_

_"Thank you for loving my boy"_

_-_

_"They stripping me away of my runs"_

_-_

_"My Generation nearly destroyed everything in our passion to fix it. Yours will have to be wiser"_

_-_

_"In times of crises the people we love want to help"_

_-_

_You, Magnus, are part of a Family now"_

And she changed into one hell of a person. 

**Author's Note:**

> So guys, a lil FYI for all of us who suffer from internalised homophobia: Something that helps me is to remind myself that I only think this way because OTHER people think that this is wrong. Another thing that's helpful is watching gay people on the internet being happy and confident and then asking myself: so are you really against these people being happy?  
> That usually helps to silence the damn voice.  
> Remember you are loved and valid.


End file.
